I got bored
Jun. 11th, 2016 10:21 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
fangirlbookworm19 posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
saladlove*tries to experiment and fails*
I was unsure where the shiver began as it quickly spread throughout my body. I was unaware of the temperature, surely below zero, but the snow falling around me was increasing as I walked. When I thought about how I came to be out in this storm, I drew a blank; I was just here. Thankfully, I was wrapped in warm clothing, although the wind wove its way into them and chilled me to my core. The snow around me was at my knees now, making it quite difficult to walk. I was not sure where I was walking to - just walking, moving, staying alive. That thought pricked me, I was simply staying alive. Why? I hadn’t a clue where I was, nor did I care for living anymore. I was not staying alive for those who loved me as there was no one. My family would be more happy without me around and the people I call my friends would not notice my absence. Maybe these people would be sad to know I died - not because they cared, but more that they feel like they should. People are funny that way. The snowfall got heavier as I marched on. Sure I had these thoughts now, but this wasn't the first time I had had them. They had not stopped me then and will not stop me now. The wind seemed to increase in strength making my steps harder and harder to take. It wouldn't be so bad to join the snow. It was soft and would make a wonderful bed to lay on. Letting the cold soak in, letting my body join the cold. I had always had a love of the cold, bitter and mean but truthful. It wouldn't be such a shame to join it, surely it is more welcoming than people. The strength I had to fight against the cold and the wind and the snow was draining and I fell to my knees. Maybe this was some kind of test or someone's cruel joke. Maybe that's why I am here. If that is true then I am certainly losing. I curled up on the snow as it indented around me. The cold bit at me but I did not mind it. I felt tiredness in me. I knew if I was to fall asleep I would not awaken. Somehow that didn't bother me. I did not care much for this hell I experienced. I have been inside for some time anyways. I closed my eyes and let the cold wash over me. That's the last thing I felt. Cold.
~~~~~~~~
She was just walking through the park on the way to the coffee shop - normal day, normal girl. She was worried she would be late despite the walk taking five minutes and her needing to get there in ten. On her way, she saw couples together, kids with their parents, a few bored teenagers, and two people who stood out from the rest. A girl was obviously breaking up with a guy. She heard whispers of words as she passed, and the expression on the guy's face was hurt. A thought crossed the girl's mind; she knew that pain. Maybe not from a bad breakup, but the pain she knew was still the same. Losing someone you care about. Her thoughts swirled in her mind as she continued her walk. She felt bad for the guy. Sure, he was hurting now, but the next few days as realization hit him, as he truly realized what's gone, that's when the real pain hits and never really leaves. As she thought these things, she felt an empty feeling enter her chest, and then the more she thought about it the more it traveled through her body. Had she been on her own and not in public, the thoughts might have consumed her, but she tried her best to stuff them down and walk on.
She was four minutes early to the coffee shop and waited by the doors for her friends to arrive. She could go in and sit down, but sitting alone at a table would look strange she thought, so she waited outside. The emptiness in her had continued to spread in her as her friends arrived and entered the shop. She and her three friends sat down at a table and ordered some coffee, then the three created a conversation. She drank her coffee quietly, occasionally she chirped in a comment. Honestly, she just wanted to go home and break down. She didn't want to leave her friends though. They barely hung out with her as it is, and she couldn't afford to lose them. She was relieved when her friends took off, and she could return home. The park was deserted on the way back, nothing to distract her from her thoughts.
The girl had learned early on that everything good has an end, and it didn't take her long to realize happiness doesn't last either. Things got worse for her over the years, whittling her down. When things seemed to take the worst turn yet, she had met someone; someone she would learn to care for. She opened her door to her apartment and slipped in, finding her way to her room. Bad things still happened and things still tore at her, but with him around - talking to him, being wrapped in his arms, being told things would be okay - it for once felt like things would be okay. Things weren't perfect, but that didn't matter. She fell onto her bed and pulled a pillow to her, planting her face in it and let the tears fall. A numbness falling over the emptiness, and a stinging pain going over that. He was gone.
I was unsure where the shiver began as it quickly spread throughout my body. I was unaware of the temperature, surely below zero, but the snow falling around me was increasing as I walked. When I thought about how I came to be out in this storm, I drew a blank; I was just here. Thankfully, I was wrapped in warm clothing, although the wind wove its way into them and chilled me to my core. The snow around me was at my knees now, making it quite difficult to walk. I was not sure where I was walking to - just walking, moving, staying alive. That thought pricked me, I was simply staying alive. Why? I hadn’t a clue where I was, nor did I care for living anymore. I was not staying alive for those who loved me as there was no one. My family would be more happy without me around and the people I call my friends would not notice my absence. Maybe these people would be sad to know I died - not because they cared, but more that they feel like they should. People are funny that way. The snowfall got heavier as I marched on. Sure I had these thoughts now, but this wasn't the first time I had had them. They had not stopped me then and will not stop me now. The wind seemed to increase in strength making my steps harder and harder to take. It wouldn't be so bad to join the snow. It was soft and would make a wonderful bed to lay on. Letting the cold soak in, letting my body join the cold. I had always had a love of the cold, bitter and mean but truthful. It wouldn't be such a shame to join it, surely it is more welcoming than people. The strength I had to fight against the cold and the wind and the snow was draining and I fell to my knees. Maybe this was some kind of test or someone's cruel joke. Maybe that's why I am here. If that is true then I am certainly losing. I curled up on the snow as it indented around me. The cold bit at me but I did not mind it. I felt tiredness in me. I knew if I was to fall asleep I would not awaken. Somehow that didn't bother me. I did not care much for this hell I experienced. I have been inside for some time anyways. I closed my eyes and let the cold wash over me. That's the last thing I felt. Cold.
~~~~~~~~
She was just walking through the park on the way to the coffee shop - normal day, normal girl. She was worried she would be late despite the walk taking five minutes and her needing to get there in ten. On her way, she saw couples together, kids with their parents, a few bored teenagers, and two people who stood out from the rest. A girl was obviously breaking up with a guy. She heard whispers of words as she passed, and the expression on the guy's face was hurt. A thought crossed the girl's mind; she knew that pain. Maybe not from a bad breakup, but the pain she knew was still the same. Losing someone you care about. Her thoughts swirled in her mind as she continued her walk. She felt bad for the guy. Sure, he was hurting now, but the next few days as realization hit him, as he truly realized what's gone, that's when the real pain hits and never really leaves. As she thought these things, she felt an empty feeling enter her chest, and then the more she thought about it the more it traveled through her body. Had she been on her own and not in public, the thoughts might have consumed her, but she tried her best to stuff them down and walk on.
She was four minutes early to the coffee shop and waited by the doors for her friends to arrive. She could go in and sit down, but sitting alone at a table would look strange she thought, so she waited outside. The emptiness in her had continued to spread in her as her friends arrived and entered the shop. She and her three friends sat down at a table and ordered some coffee, then the three created a conversation. She drank her coffee quietly, occasionally she chirped in a comment. Honestly, she just wanted to go home and break down. She didn't want to leave her friends though. They barely hung out with her as it is, and she couldn't afford to lose them. She was relieved when her friends took off, and she could return home. The park was deserted on the way back, nothing to distract her from her thoughts.
The girl had learned early on that everything good has an end, and it didn't take her long to realize happiness doesn't last either. Things got worse for her over the years, whittling her down. When things seemed to take the worst turn yet, she had met someone; someone she would learn to care for. She opened her door to her apartment and slipped in, finding her way to her room. Bad things still happened and things still tore at her, but with him around - talking to him, being wrapped in his arms, being told things would be okay - it for once felt like things would be okay. Things weren't perfect, but that didn't matter. She fell onto her bed and pulled a pillow to her, planting her face in it and let the tears fall. A numbness falling over the emptiness, and a stinging pain going over that. He was gone.
