Souls - Chapter 2: Ominous Blessings
Apr. 6th, 2017 03:58 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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saladloveWatermelon.
That is all.
This time upon waking up, she felt pain. Specifically in her stomach.
She flitted her eyes open to her dim shelter. Walls of dirt only held back by gnarled roots surrounded her. Instead of waking up with her head rested on a case, she woke up with her head resting on crinkly, brown forest leaves. Rays of light filtered throughout the makeshift cavern. Her eyes rested on the blue case and then to the opening.
Stepping outside strained her eyes, for the morning light glowed much brighter than the dusk before, but she did her best to adjust. She needed to as well. The pain in her stomach haunted her every thought.
Looking around the clearing in a new light, she searched for, something. Anything that could sooth the pain in her stomach. As if in response, a warm breeze blew rustling the leaves above. She walked forward not expecting a helpful outcome, but then behind her, she heard something hit the ground.
Quickly turning, she looked to the ground. A round object striped with green had fallen down and split down the middle to reveal a pink center. She approached the object with confusion, and she looked up to the towering canopy wondering where it could’ve come from. The dense foliage revealed nothing. Shifting her gaze back to the fallen object, she kneeled down to inspect it. Upon closer inspection, black seeds dotted the pink interior.
She heaved it up and curiously pulled the two halves fully apart. Lifting up one half, she brought it to her face to smell. It smelled so fresh, and she could feel its juices running down her hands. Tentatively, she continued to break it apart until she could hold the rind and take a bite out of the pink flesh. The juices exploded in her mouth, replacing the taste of an eternity’s absence of food and leaving her feeling refreshed yet craving for more. Whatever it was, she could eat it all day.
Looking back up once more, she carefully observed the leaves above her.
“Thank you!” she called to the trees, and she dug in.
By the time the sun rose high above the trees, she had eaten half of the delicious fruit. She could eat no more. She didn’t care about the mess she made. She wiped her mouth with her sleeve with a delighted look on her face. The pain in her stomach had stopped, and she was satisfied.
With sticky hands, she felt confident at the idea of seeing what stood around the clearing. Going back to the den, she hid the other half of the fruit before going back outside, picking a direction, and walking.
She didn’t even take two steps into the forest before she heard the burble of a stream. Being careful to remember where the clearing was, she pursuited the sound.
It didn’t take long for her to find a stream. Farther up the bank, water rushed down smooth rocks, but where she stood, the water flowed peacefully. So peacefully, that she could see herself in the bank.
She could see herself.
She drank in every aspect of her face. Her cheeks were round, but not chubby. Actually, her face was rather soft. She could not tell by the water, but she inferred that her eyes were a dark blue. Blue like the case, and thus blue like the dusk sky. At least that’s what she’d like to think or believe. Long, dirty blonde hair fell towards the water’s surface, but she didn’t need a reflection to determine that. In fact, she didn’t really know what else she could notice about herself. She grew a strange pride about her squishy face.
Seeing the opportunity, she rolled up her sleeves and washed off the sticky juices of the fruit in the washed water. That was when she became taken aback by a frightening feature on her skin. Three deep, long scars ran across her arm. A giant claw mark.
That is all.
This time upon waking up, she felt pain. Specifically in her stomach.
She flitted her eyes open to her dim shelter. Walls of dirt only held back by gnarled roots surrounded her. Instead of waking up with her head rested on a case, she woke up with her head resting on crinkly, brown forest leaves. Rays of light filtered throughout the makeshift cavern. Her eyes rested on the blue case and then to the opening.
Stepping outside strained her eyes, for the morning light glowed much brighter than the dusk before, but she did her best to adjust. She needed to as well. The pain in her stomach haunted her every thought.
Looking around the clearing in a new light, she searched for, something. Anything that could sooth the pain in her stomach. As if in response, a warm breeze blew rustling the leaves above. She walked forward not expecting a helpful outcome, but then behind her, she heard something hit the ground.
Quickly turning, she looked to the ground. A round object striped with green had fallen down and split down the middle to reveal a pink center. She approached the object with confusion, and she looked up to the towering canopy wondering where it could’ve come from. The dense foliage revealed nothing. Shifting her gaze back to the fallen object, she kneeled down to inspect it. Upon closer inspection, black seeds dotted the pink interior.
She heaved it up and curiously pulled the two halves fully apart. Lifting up one half, she brought it to her face to smell. It smelled so fresh, and she could feel its juices running down her hands. Tentatively, she continued to break it apart until she could hold the rind and take a bite out of the pink flesh. The juices exploded in her mouth, replacing the taste of an eternity’s absence of food and leaving her feeling refreshed yet craving for more. Whatever it was, she could eat it all day.
Looking back up once more, she carefully observed the leaves above her.
“Thank you!” she called to the trees, and she dug in.
By the time the sun rose high above the trees, she had eaten half of the delicious fruit. She could eat no more. She didn’t care about the mess she made. She wiped her mouth with her sleeve with a delighted look on her face. The pain in her stomach had stopped, and she was satisfied.
With sticky hands, she felt confident at the idea of seeing what stood around the clearing. Going back to the den, she hid the other half of the fruit before going back outside, picking a direction, and walking.
She didn’t even take two steps into the forest before she heard the burble of a stream. Being careful to remember where the clearing was, she pursuited the sound.
It didn’t take long for her to find a stream. Farther up the bank, water rushed down smooth rocks, but where she stood, the water flowed peacefully. So peacefully, that she could see herself in the bank.
She could see herself.
She drank in every aspect of her face. Her cheeks were round, but not chubby. Actually, her face was rather soft. She could not tell by the water, but she inferred that her eyes were a dark blue. Blue like the case, and thus blue like the dusk sky. At least that’s what she’d like to think or believe. Long, dirty blonde hair fell towards the water’s surface, but she didn’t need a reflection to determine that. In fact, she didn’t really know what else she could notice about herself. She grew a strange pride about her squishy face.
Seeing the opportunity, she rolled up her sleeves and washed off the sticky juices of the fruit in the washed water. That was when she became taken aback by a frightening feature on her skin. Three deep, long scars ran across her arm. A giant claw mark.
no subject
Date: 2017-04-06 09:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-04-06 09:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-04-06 09:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-04-06 09:56 pm (UTC)Good on all the things, mystery and suspense and such. (::) (::) (::)
-Observing Anon
no subject
Date: 2017-04-06 11:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-04-07 06:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-04-07 11:54 pm (UTC)Once again, great use of descriptive language. While reading, I actually got the desire to eat a watermelon. That's how you know you're doing something right. Noticed some use of juxtaposition here in the beginning that was good. Grammar stuff is fine for the most part, except for some things I noted below. Good use of varied sentence structure. I recommend using shorter sentences to build tension more. Not sure if that applies to this chapter in particular, just something I thought of when the watermelon fell.
"Walls of dirt only held back by gnarled roots surrounded her." Makes more sense to be Walls of dirt, only held back by gnarled, roots surrounded her. The earlier configuration makes it sound like the roots surround her, which they do. However, I figured you meant to say that the walls surround her. What's in between the commas is called a gerund(or participial) phrase, as it functions as an adjective that the sentence would still be complete without. Put those in between commas for better clarity and grammar stuff.
"...she pursuited the sound." Pursuited is not a word. Pursued would work here.
"So peacefully, that she could see herself in the bank." Stood out as iffy for some reason. Could turn it into "So peacefully, in fact, she could see herself in the bank." Reading things out loud helps. You might do that, I'm not sure.
Again, really great work you have going on here. Looking forward to further installments!
no subject
Date: 2017-04-08 12:03 am (UTC)And this story is definitely a scheme for you to go and buy watermelon for the watermelon corporation I work undercover for.
no subject
Date: 2017-04-08 04:25 am (UTC)