Blind: Good use of descriptive language. I'm guessing you used this to practice it. You really nailed it. I sense a bit of paradox here (mostly with the couple scene). Not sure if that's what you were going for, but it was done well.
Don't be afraid of semicolons! They're your friends and I see a couple places where they could have been used to make the sentence more grammatically correct.
"The door is also a lot lighter than he predicted, he hears it swing open and hit the hollow wall to his right." This sentence could be split in two or the comma could be replaced with a semicolon. As of now it's 2 sentences trying to be one without a conjunction of any sort.
"The first thing that hits him is the room’s rustic smell, it’s reminiscent of a dusty old book being opened for the first time in years." Not sure why the 'it's' is here. It breaks the sentence.
"Brown leaves, a tall oak. Many steps to the bottom. Just a single jump." Clash memes shall NEVER DIE! But seriously clash, there was a ladder RIGHT THERE.
But of course, any criticism here can be deflected due to mobile. Mobile sucks.
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Blind:
Good use of descriptive language. I'm guessing you used this to practice it. You really nailed it. I sense a bit of paradox here (mostly with the couple scene). Not sure if that's what you were going for, but it was done well.
Don't be afraid of semicolons! They're your friends and I see a couple places where they could have been used to make the sentence more grammatically correct.
"The door is also a lot lighter than he predicted, he hears it swing open and hit the hollow wall to his right." This sentence could be split in two or the comma could be replaced with a semicolon. As of now it's 2 sentences trying to be one without a conjunction of any sort.
"The first thing that hits him is the room’s rustic smell, it’s reminiscent of a dusty old book being opened for the first time in years." Not sure why the 'it's' is here. It breaks the sentence.
"Brown leaves, a tall oak.
Many steps to the bottom.
Just a single jump."
Clash memes shall NEVER DIE!
But seriously clash, there was a ladder RIGHT THERE.
But of course, any criticism here can be deflected due to mobile. Mobile sucks.