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saladloveSo naturally my first post here is a terrible, badly characterised, bad-joke-filled thing that i wrote in about an hour. And it makes little sense. I tried to include most of the Project:Mounstrous people although there are a few missing (sorry.). Also sorry if i offend anyone c:
So once there was a bunch of people. They all lived together for some inexplicable reason, although they had a lot of fun times together. They lived together in a big mansion dubbed Dallenkra. Dallenkra means ‘responsible’. Lol.
In the main room, a large tv played reruns of old mindcrack UHC. Most of the Dallenkra household sat around in various positions and locations, but many weren’t paying attention. Take Tanadin for example. Tanadin, a young woman who happened to be on fire, (accompanied by Seven, a cyborg/robot/Roomba/number/thing) sat by the wall, scribbling on it with concentration. Seven occasionally whispered things to her and she’d giggle evilly then write on the wall.
Most of the writing was names of the various ‘Fated’ characters with skulls beside them.
Over in a different corner, Scott and Clash were sitting. I’ll spare you the details but they were being really really straight. Like, the Hetero™est. I mean I’m not homophobic but these two are definitely just bros, haha. No homo. Anyway, while Clott and Scash were doing their straight thing, Sol sat on top of the couch, intermittently yelling ‘PORN’ at the top of her lungs. Everyone ignored her. (Aside from Goose.)
Suddenly, the sound of Mexican polka music was heard. It was quiet at first and then grew louder, and everyone sighed and braced themselves. With a large CRASH, the wall behind the tv was suddenly replaced by a hole, soon followed by a jeep with two people in it.
“Tac, Shawn,” Tanadin said, momentarily turning around. “Fix.”
The pair got out of the jeep and nodded. “You aren’t my mUm!” Tac said, but picked up the jeep and carried it outside anyway, while Shawn went to fix the wall.
“Does anyone smell that?” Scott asked. Nobody answered. “Smells like smoke,” Scott continued.
“Haha very funny,” said Shawn, throwing a piece of drywall at Scott and then realising he needed it to fix the wall. But that was ok because Shawn had a life plan that led to a doctorate eight years from then, and he also looked a lot like BTC so he was pretty much set.
Emma wandered down the stairs, looking very sleep deprived. Mars followed her, wearing a rainbow plaid flannel, a rainbow snapback, rainbow jeans, rainbow shoes, rainbow dyed hair and holding a pantomime script.
“Oi what’s up guv’na!” Emma said Britishly. She sat down on the arm of the couch and began flicking through the channels of the tv, even though it was smashed to pieces and also on the floor.
Kate sat beside her. “Helo 'na, cerdded stereoteip Saesneg. Mae'n braf gweld chi eto. Oedd hi'n hwyl gael rhyw gyda Mars. Haha Dydw i ddim yn kidding Emma a Mars yn lladd i mi os gwelwch yn dda. Hefyd, hetiau i ffwrdd i chi, er mewn gwirionedd yn cymryd yr amser i gyfieithu hwn.”
Emma blinked. “Pip pip cheerio, it’s a luvly day for a spot of tea and crumpets, I do say.”
“I can’t understand a word you’re saying,” Jimmy spoke from the floor. She was lying on her back upside-down, watching the tv and drinking juice beside Gali. Gali was really evil and occasionally burst out into maniacal laughter that was definitely evil and not a single bit cute. They both wore crowns for some reason.
“I can’t understand a word you’re saying,” Emma retorted.
Over in a different corner, Fan stood. She turned slowly, circulating air around the room. Hahahahahahahahahahahahano
She was actually a ceiling fan.
Then Cap appeared. She’d been gone for like 6 months so everyone was really excited to see her, especially the dragons that were in the room. (There were dragons, I just didn’t mention them before.)
Tac came back inside and began to draw butts on everything.
“I’m glad to see you’re safe,” Jimmy said. “Wouldn’t want you to have a taccident.”
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYY” The sound of sub flying through the air was heard, followed by her crashing through the ceiling. While Tac bent one of the stair railings, channelling strength out of anger and rage and hatred for puns, Sub picked herself up off Spork, Ackrel and Hawk (who she’d fallen on), dusted herself off, and slapped her knee.
Hawk made bird noises then curled up on Spork’s head as she un-flattened herself.
“CHAPTER’S UP!” yelled Tanadin. Everyone rushed over to the wall to read what she had written. People began to scream, cry, wail, clutch their chests and fall to the ground sobbing.
“Ok guys. I definitely did smell smoke.”
“shshhshshhs Scott,” everyone said. “I know you’re Scottistics or whatever but, AAHHHHH!!”
Everyone said in unison as a flaming refrigerator burst through the door, wielding a shotgun. The refrigerator had arms, with which to hold the shotgun.
“…. It’s you.” Scott said, turning in shock to stare at his old nemesis.
“Gasp,” everyone said.
“I’ll save you,” Clash said, standing up, his face an exact recreation of the fite emote. (This one: (ง’̀-‘́)ง )
“Holy crap I’ve always wanted to fite a flaming refrigerator,” Gali said, standing up quickly and pulling several jars of applesauce out of her pockets.
“Not if I get to him first!” Jimmy exclaimed, wielding a crocodile wearing crocs.
Soon everyone had stood up but for a select few and jumped on the evil refrigerator, beating it up. Unfortunately, it is really hard to beat something up when it is on fire, unless you too are on fire. That’s why everyone except Clash and Tanadin were successful.
Unfortunately, what tends to happen when you fight fire with fire, is that, well, flammable things also tend to take damage. And you know what’s flammable?
You guessed it. Houses.
Soon the house was crackling merrily away. Luckily everyone escaped, but not before grabbing their valuable items like butts, juice, and bread. Nobody was harmed except for the refrigerator, but as the large group of people stood out on the street watching their home burn, the refrigerator ran out after them.
“Oh fuck,” said Sol. “We forgot Geek.”
“Shit.” everyone said.
“Not to worry of course. She’s perfectly safe.”
Everyone knew this was true. Geek’s underground dungeon was not only scientifically designed to keep tentacles in, it was fireproof, waterproof, and life proof. (So she could even take it in the shower!) She was currently down there, writing busily away. She probably wouldn’t even notice there was a fire.
Meanwhile, everyone struggled against the refrigerator. It seemed he would not die, until a tiny, feathery missile shot at him from behind. The refrigerator was severely injured as he was knocked to the ground, and then Hawk, the ball of fury, beat him up until he was (presumably) dead. It’s hard to tell when a refrigerator is dead. But he was definitely dead. There was no way he would come back from the dead.
“Phew,” everyone said. “That was an adventure!”
“Agreed,” said Gali.
“Or should you say, a greed?” Jimmy said, smiling and winking at the camera, while Tac went and uprooted a tree. A tree named Vechs. He wasn’t a fan of being uprooted, but nobody can escape the wrath and strengthe… of a punned-at Tac.
Jimmy kicked open the door of the refrigerator to reveal it was stocked with cans and cans of Greed™. (Greed is in no way or shape or form affiliated with Coca Cola tm)
And then everyone had a nice cold can of coke and watched the Dallenkra mansion burn until it was gone.
“Hmm,” said Scott. “I wonder if there’s a new UHC.” He turned and looked straight into the camera.
Because he was looking at the camera, Scott didn’t see the refrigerator rising from the dead behind him, wielding the shotgun like it was a baseball bat with which to bean Scott over the head…
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Date: 2016-02-07 02:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-02-07 04:22 pm (UTC)jimmy why
Date: 2016-03-08 01:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-04-04 06:32 am (UTC)-the lurkiest lurker
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Date: 2016-04-04 06:46 am (UTC)